How to Stop Playing the Victim

By Rev. Richard Kent Matthews

“It is only those who do nothing that make no mistakes…” Joseph Conrad

Have you ever noticed that if you listen closely, so much of the world is bellowing waaa! Almost continually!

 Yeah, there are a lot of whiners and complainers out there. Aren’t you glad you’re not one of them? You’re not, right?  

“When you complain, you become a living, breathing ‘crap magnet.’” T. Harv Eker, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind

 The Waaa people are what we normally call self-victimized. To be sure, there are legitimate grievances and challenges in folks’ lives. I’m not selling them short. But there is a way to approach all those challenges that, even when you have them, you can step out of Victim Consciousness. It’s not easy; it’s become a habit in most cases. Still, with a little recognition and effort, you can go from Waaa! to Yaaa! in just a few simple steps.

First, recognition.

Blame is toxic. Do some people deserve your wrath or scorn? Maybe. Ok. Yes in many cases. But does holding onto blame hurt them, or is it hurting you? YOU. Why?

Justification. You often justify the blame. They did me wrong, they hurt me, they stole from me, killed a member of my family in a drunk driving accident. Yes. Plenty of reason to justify.

And complaining. You go on and on about it to friends, family, colleagues, even yourself. Bitterness, anger, clenched teeth, fists, and buttocks. Ouch.

Then, a solution. Or at least a start.

What to do. Well, you don’t just read a book or an article that suggests you lay off the sense of victimhood, stop the blame, quit justifying the resentment, and end the complaining. It’s not that simple. You may well have had a long relationship with Victim Consciousness. You might not even want to let it all go. But if you do, if you’re honestly ready to shuck off the pain and bitterness, you can begin now.

Here are a few suggestions to get you started on the road to Yaaa…

Take charge of your life by deciding to hold yourself accountable for all your feelings. Don’t beat yourself up; just make the decision. ‘Today I own myself.’

Reexamine your values. Let the first one be self-love and acceptance. It will take some effort, especially if you’ve been doing a hatchet job on yourself for any length of time. Begin with a small step. ‘Today I love myself.’

Measure your daily progress. Open to the possibility of mistakes but also successes. You’re doing this for you, not for them. ‘Today I watch myself.’

Activate your compassion through meditation, prayer, and gratitude. Compassion isn’t simply a feeling, though it is that. It’s also action. Meditation will help you center yourself; prayer can give you a sense of connection. Gratitude for everything in your life, including the rough spots and the irksome people, will open you to new possibilities and greater abundance on every level. ‘Today I start fresh.’

And as the old saying goes, begin each day with a beginner’s mind; let everything be your teacher. None of us knows everything. Even about ourselves. Waking each day with an open mind and heart will allow you to experience the new, the fresh, the available. ‘Today I learn.’

These suggestions are only a beginning. You have an entire lifetime and series of experiences with the world, with people, with yourself. How you go from waaa to yaaa is entirely up to you.

But keep this in mind:

The more you blame, justify the blame, and complain, the less joy, satisfaction, and success you’ll be able to experience.

Choose to stop all sense of victimhood. You’ll be way better for it in the long run. And I think you already know that.